Dining and ace 

Waiter: You know that’s normally for two?

Me (to myself, crying internally): is there a dating site for people that just want to split a seafood on random snowy nights so I don’t have to get this kinkshaming every time?

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Dining and ace 

Fortune cookie: A beautiful, smart, and loving person will be coming into you life.

Me: Et tu, dessert??

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