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Cookies and crackers (somewhat lude?) 

I feel like there’s probably an interesting “sequel” movie to Road to Wellville just about the evils of Nabisco. Our “National Biscuit Company” are the beloved default American cookie and cracker company but they started out as the generic company making evil clones: Oreo was the generic clone of Hydrox. Ritz was named that as a slight tease that it was much cheaper but tasted like the way, way more expensive cracker they replaced (and time mostly forgot).

Cookies and crackers (somewhat lude?) 

About the only cracker we for sure know was 100% original to Nabisco was Graham Crackers because not only were they named after a founder (and friend of Kellogg and “scientist” at Kellogg’s Wellville), but it was pretty well documented that he thought his life’s work was inventing a cracker so treat it would stop people from the sin of masturbation, and Graham Crackers were the result.

Cookies and crackers (very lude) 

Anyway I am once again reminded that I appreciate the existence of Teddy Grahams because that implies the existence of furries that have masturbated TO graham crackers; this insuring that we live in a timeline where Mr. Graham was proven extremely wrong, his life’s work a joke, and probably we could harness some energy from how much he must be spinning in his grave.

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